Worthy of Trust and Confidence Read online




  Table of Contents

  Synopsis

  By the Author

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Chapter Twenty-five

  About the Author

  Books Available From Bold Strokes Books

  Worthy of Trust and Confidence

  Following an incident on her last protection assignment, Special Agent Ryan O’Connor’s life is in shambles. Her sort-of ex, Det. Lucia Mendez, was killed, and the guilt she feels is crushing. Her current girlfriend, Special Agent Allison Reynolds, is upset about something, but Ryan doesn’t know what. She’s on light duty because of her own injuries, which severely limits what she’s allowed to do. And what little sleep she’s getting is plagued by horrible nightmares of recent events that confuse as much as terrify her.

  Ryan tries to put her emotions on the back burner and focus on discovering who was responsible for Lucia’s death, but life keeps derailing her efforts. When Ryan finally manages to get to the bottom of who shot her, she inadvertently discovers the truth will indeed set you free. But not until it’s finished with you. And before it does, it’ll royally piss you off.

  Worthy of Trust and Confidence

  Brought to you by

  eBooks from Bold Strokes Books, Inc.

  http://www.boldstrokesbooks.com

  eBooks are not transferable. They cannot be sold, shared or given away as it is an infringement on the copyright of this work.

  Please respect the rights of the author and do not file share.

  Worthy of Trust and Confidence

  © 2017 By Kara A. McLeod. All Rights Reserved.

  ISBN 13: 978-1-62639-890-0

  This Electronic book is published by

  Bold Strokes Books, Inc.,

  New York, USA

  First Edition: March 2017

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission.

  Credits

  Editor: Shelley Thrasher

  Production Design: Stacia Seaman

  Cover Design by Melody Pond

  By the Author

  Actual Stop

  Worthy of Trust and Confidence

  For Riley. Just because.

  CHAPTER ONE

  “Earth to Ryan!”

  At the sound of Meaghan Bates’s vaguely irritated voice, my eyes snapped up to meet hers. I blinked, startled and confused. “What?”

  “Hello?” Her tone held rich notes of anticipation as she cut a sideways glance toward the television that played soundlessly in the corner of our shared office. Clearly, she thought I should have some clue what she was asking of me. I hated to disappoint her, but…

  “What?” I asked again.

  Meaghan raised her eyebrows at me expectantly, and when I continued to goggle at her, she waved the hand not resting on her mouse toward the television and mimed pressing a button on a remote. She looked dangerously close to irritated.

  “Oh.” I searched the disaster that was the top of my desk somewhat ineffectively with my left hand and finally managed to locate it underneath a pile of paperwork at least four months old. How had it even gotten there? I frowned at the gadget for a second before I tossed it to her awkwardly.

  Meaghan caught it with a huff and turned the TV off to fix me with a dark glare. “Okay, what is going on with you?”

  “Huh?”

  “You just made me watch Jersey Shore reruns for like fifteen minutes!” Her voice became shrill. She tossed the remote onto the top of her own desk, folded her arms across her chest, and leaned back in her chair.

  “What? I did not!”

  “Yes, you did, too. At first I thought you put it on to be a smart-ass, but even you wouldn’t let the joke go on for that long.”

  I wrinkled my nose in distaste and fussed with the strap of the sling that held my right arm against my chest, trying for easily the millionth time to get it to sit on my shirt rather than rub against my neck. She was right. I did hate that show, more than words could ever adequately express. That I hadn’t even noticed it was on said a lot about my state of mind. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize. You should’ve said something sooner.”

  “No kidding. So, what’s got you all tied up in knots?”

  I tensed, and the fingers of my good hand curled reflexively around the strap, giving me away. When I realized what I’d done, I shoved my hand into my lap and forced myself to relax, but Meaghan’s knowing look told me she’d caught the gesture.

  A lot of different topics were clamoring for top billing in the theater of my mind, and I didn’t care to talk about any of them. I chewed my bottom lip as I considered how to dodge the question. “I’m just really tired, Meaghan.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me and studied me suspiciously. “Haven’t you been sleeping?”

  “No,” I told her truthfully. “Not very well.” I sure as hell wasn’t about to tell her why.

  “Didn’t they give you drugs to help with the pain?”

  “Yeah. They did.” And if I thought taking them would help, I might’ve considered it. Perhaps. But as they seemed to only make it harder for me to fight my way out of my nightmares, they were no longer an option.

  “But you’re not taking them.”

  “No.”

  She sighed noisily. “Why not?”

  “I can’t go back to full duty if I’m on the kind of medication they’re giving me.”

  “Ryan, you can’t go back to full duty until you can actually use your right arm. You shouldn’t even be here now. You were released from the hospital, what? Twenty-four hours ago?”

  It’d actually been less, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. “I was bored at home.” That wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either.

  Meaghan smirked at me and raised her eyebrows. “Allison couldn’t think of any way to keep you entertained?”

  My insides suddenly felt ice-cold, and that chill spread throughout my veins at an alarming rate. In retrospect, I didn’t think I could’ve been more unprepared for any question. No, that wasn’t strictly true. I’d have been equally taken aback if she’d asked me whether I thought a lion would beat a tiger in a fight to the death. That might even have surprised me more. But not much.

  Now that I thought about it, I’d have rather she’d asked me the lion question. I’d have stressed a lot less over the answer. I wasn’t certain how to respond to what’d actually come out of her mouth. I didn’t know where things stood between Allison and me—not after yesterday, not after she’d left so abruptly and in such a horrendous mood, though she’d assured me it had nothing to do with me—and I was participating in whatever it was we were doing. I definitely wasn’t equipped to explain the situation to anyone else.

  I tried to calm my racing heart and
come up with a suitable response quickly. A long pause would’ve made Meaghan even more suspicious than she obviously was and therefore more likely to press.

  “What?” My voice broke on the word, and I tried not to wince. So much for not arousing suspicion.

  “What? She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

  I froze, and all my normal bodily functions—breathing, heartbeat, thought—shuddered and ground to a halt. “Wh—what makes you say that?”

  “Please, Ryan. I’m not an idiot. And she should really be here. Where is she, anyway?” Meaghan spat out the words like they’d tasted terrible and she couldn’t wait to get them out of her mouth.

  “You don’t like her.” I hadn’t realized it until I’d said it, but as soon as I’d voiced the thought, I recognized it was true. Meaghan’s reactions to mentions of Allison’s name as well as memories of her expression during their last few interactions skittered through my mind, and I wanted to smack myself for not noticing it before.

  “What?”

  “Allison. You don’t like her. Why?”

  “I like her fine,” Meaghan insisted, but her gaze darted away from mine to study an uninteresting spot on the wall, belying the statement.

  “Now who’s keeping secrets?”

  Meaghan exhaled noisily and stood up, keeping her back to me as she stalked around the edges of the room. Her posture was rigid and wire-tight as she prowled. I watched her warily.

  “Okay,” she said finally. “You’re right. I hate her.”

  “What?”

  Meaghan shot me a quick glance out of the corner of her eye and waved one hand airily. “I mean, I don’t really hate her, hate her. But you’re my friend, and she hurt you. I can’t forgive her for that.”

  “Hurt me? What are you talking about?” Allison had been nothing short of amazing the entire time she’d been here. In my drugged-up state, I’d seriously considered trying to have her canonized. I’d demanded someone get me the number for the pope and everything.

  She scoffed. “Really, Ryan? That’s how you’re gonna play this?”

  “What?”

  “You’re gonna make me say it, aren’t you?”

  “Say what?” Had something happened at the hospital I couldn’t remember? I’d been out of it for a lot of the past couple of days, but Allison would’ve said something. Right? I mean, before she’d taken off like someone had set her chair on fire.

  “Okay, fine. Just remember, I tried to avoid this. So this is your own fault.”

  “Oh, for crying out loud. Spit it out already.”

  “We all knew.”

  “Who all knew what?”

  Meaghan’s lips quirked in a small, indulgent smile. “When you and Allison were together before? Back when she was still in NYFO? We all knew.”

  My ribs crackled and snapped as a vise-like pressure gripped me hard and radiated up and down my chest. It didn’t even occur to me to deny it. That’s how utterly shocked I was. “You all knew? What do you mean you all knew? Who’s all? How?”

  “Please. The chemistry between you two was off the charts. Frankly, a few times I thought the walls might catch fire with the heat you guys were throwing off just being in the same room and making it a point not to look at each other. Not even the most oblivious of the guys could miss that.” Meaghan’s smile grew wider as she teased me.

  “Shit.” I doubted Allison would be particularly pleased with that revelation. However, she’d mentioned some of the guys on the detail hadn’t seemed at all surprised when she’d said she needed to come back to New York after she heard I’d been shot. And she’d seemed more amused by that than anything else, so maybe she wouldn’t be as upset as I feared.

  “Were you guys trying to hide it?”

  Well, I hadn’t been, necessarily, but Allison had certainly had concerns. And it had nothing to do with her not wanting people to know she was dating a woman, which is what most people would assume. She would’ve had the same attitude toward the situation if she’d been seeing a male agent. It’d been more a matter of keeping her professional life as separate from her personal life as possible.

  I, on the other hand, was slightly less concerned about those sorts of things, but that was mostly because I was a master at pretending things weren’t happening. If I didn’t hear about the gossip, I assumed it wasn’t going on. Allison, however, had taken a much more cynical view of the situation and attempted to avoid that pitfall.

  I wasn’t about to get into any of that with Meaghan, though. I was afraid she’d take it the wrong way, possibly deliberately, and dislike Allison even more. Instead, I said, “Allison’s a very private person. So, we didn’t exactly want to advertise it.”

  “Yeah, that’s kind of what we all figured.”

  “Wait! You all actually talked about this? Are you kidding me? Please tell me you’re kidding me.” I don’t know why I was so flabbergasted. That right there had been the whole reason Allison hadn’t wanted anyone to know. It was jarring to hear someone admit to gossiping about us.

  “If it makes you feel any better, the guys didn’t talk about you two being together as much as you’d think they would. And what they did say was probably not what you’d expect.”

  “How lovely.” My tone was petulant and bitter.

  “It was, actually. I expected them to focus on the usual things guys focus on. You know, how hot you two were and how they’d kill to watch, which one of you was the top, did you use a strap-on, that sort of thing.”

  “Oh, I’m sure they did talk about that. Just not when you were around.”

  Meaghan chuckled lightly. “No. Definitely not when I was around. Even our guys aren’t that crass.”

  “If you say so.” There was an extended lull in the conversation. Eventually, my curiosity got the better of me, and I hated myself a little bit for it. “So, what did they say, then?”

  “They thought you guys were good together and that you complemented one another nicely. It was pretty cute. Everybody seemed really happy you were so happy. And the way they figured it, no one else had the stones to handle Allison half as well as you.”

  “Pptthh. I didn’t handle Allison.” Not then and certainly not now. I couldn’t imagine anyone handling her ever.

  “You know what I mean. She’s super focused and intense. And occasionally standoffish and guarded. She’s just…Much sometimes. Intimidating. Larger than life. But you softened her, made her more relaxed, more approachable. Less the uber-perfect big, bad federal agent on a fast track to promotion and more human. And she balanced you perfectly because, let’s face it, you’re almost never serious about anything.”

  “That’s completely not true. I’ll have you know I’m deathly serious about my all-consuming hatred of Peeps.”

  Meaghan rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “See? I rest my case.”

  “I think your case needs some serious work, Counselor. Or at least a pie chart. Juries love pie charts.”

  “Anyway, my point is, we all thought you two were pretty perfect together.”

  “I’m thrilled to hear that.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  I agreed. “Not even a little bit.”

  “So…” Meaghan pursed her lips as though she were unsure how to phrase her next statement. “She’s the one, isn’t she?”

  “The one what?”

  “A couple weeks ago, when you and I were on the way to that interview for your friend in WFO, I asked you who made you swear off love. It was her, wasn’t it?”

  Heat blazed across the surface of my skin, and I averted my eyes as I made a show of scratching the hollow of my cheek in an effort to hide my expression. I wasn’t sure what to say. Maybe there really wasn’t anything to say.

  Meaghan nodded, as though my silence was all the confirmation she needed. “And that, right there? That’s why I hate her.”

  “Oh.” That was actually rather sweet. I sniffed and coughed awkwardly. “So, it’s like the time I told Benton if he made one wr
ong move I’d hide his body so well they’d find Jimmy Hoffa before they found him?” I clarified with a tight smile, referring to one of her ex-boyfriends from years ago.

  Meaghan matched my smile with a smirk of her own. “Yeah. Just like that.”

  “When’s the last time you heard from him, anyway?”

  Meaghan scoffed. “It’s been a while.”

  “Damn, I’m good!”

  “You’re also trying to change the subject.”

  “Can you blame me?”

  “I guess not. But you should know by now I never fall for that. So, where’s your girlfriend? Why isn’t she here taking care of you?”

  “Entertaining me, you mean?”

  “Whatever.”

  “She had to go back to DC.”

  “Why?”

  I almost shrugged but caught myself at the last moment. Thank God. My shoulder hurt like a son of a bitch when I was sitting completely still. Moving it at all was akin to setting it on fire. With a blowtorch. After dousing it with lighter fluid. “Dunno. Her boss called her back.”

  Meaghan rolled her eyes. “You’d think they could cut her a little slack. She was here for what? Two days?”

  “Three,” I murmured, even though I was pretty sure the question was rhetorical. “And she never once left the hospital.”

  “Well, it’s not like the detail would fall apart without her. She should’ve stayed.”

  The call from her boss demanding her return had seemed odd, but it wasn’t the request itself as much as her reaction to it. She’d become immediately furious and had been really short with him on the phone, though she’d refused to tell me why, instead attempting to placate me with lies along the lines of she was just upset to be leaving me in my time of need. I hadn’t believed her, but I hadn’t called her on it, either. I knew better than to force her to talk before she was ready. I also hadn’t wanted to risk her turning her ire on me.